Eyes wide open

The words of the poet seem hauntingly familiar
The days and the years now gone by
Each time he laid his heart bare
Each time at the moment his words were true
So many times he gave his heart away freely
Only wanting to heal the wounds left behind by others
Never was it his intent to add more to their pain
Even after years of tears he was still blind to where he was going wrong
Blinded each time by what he thought was the purity of his intent
Blinded each time by the goodness of the deed he thought was being done
He did not see the lives he was playing with
He did not see the damage he was leaving behind him
Or the fact the pain he was inflicting was far worse then any healing he had done
Leaving souls laid bare to go and help the next broken one
Ignoring the voice in the back of his mind
How could he be so wrong with all the good he was doing?
Now over many days and years he looks back
He sees the trail of broken hearts he set out to heal
Only leaving a trail of tears and ravaged souls in their place
Alone now he cuts himself everyday for each
His tears give him no comfort
Nor should they
Where did he go wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
I only meant the best each time.
I never took the time to finish what I started
I never took the responsibility to open my eyes
These words remind me of all the excuses I wrote
The words of a poet forever lost and unawareness
My eyes are wide open now
My eyes are wide open now
I see the damage I have done
I see the damage I have done
Now I must learn to live with it
There is no easy way out
There is only living with the pain I so freely gave to others
Hoping maybe someday I can be forgiven
I truly am sorry
Though my regret will never change anything
Maybe tomorrow I will not make the same mistakes
Maybe tomorrow I will finish what I start
Maybe tomorrow...

- by Cold

Beyond here...

I've been drinking on a cocktail
Of disillusion and despair
Since my hopes and dreams
Were left hanging in the air.

Pills of low self-esteem
Are thrown on the nightstand
Next to the bottle of regret
That I keep in hand.

A cigarette half burnt
Eats through the sheets on my bed
While memories of long-lost happiness
Awake and die in my head.

Curtains of denial cover the rest of the world.
Another day of solitude lines up ...
Everything around is dead quiet
But the fights with myself never stop.

Night blends in with the day.
Trapped in a timeless space,
I am hardly alive,
Living with dishonor and in disgrace.

I pour myself another glass,
And let the torture come and pass.

- by Cold

Shattered Words

I express myself with poems and words
flowing from my mouth
weaving and mending
floating intricate patterns of the mind
that fade in other eyes

When I pour my soul out
why must you laugh?
why must you mock?

My inner spirit is bleeding from my fingers
staining the pages with the thoughts
that are engraved into my heart
like the delicate words on a tombstone

I am what I say
my words heal
repairing broken pieces of my heart
making the glassy sharp edges smooth

When I pour my soul out
why must you laugh?
why must you mock?

- by Cold

Precious one

I know I’ll never talk to you
Or hold you in my arms-
Not a day goes by when I don’t wish
You’d never come to harm.
I cry alone and hope I’ll wake
To find it’s just a dream
But I know that isn’t possible
Though easy, it would seem.

So here, today, I say to you
“Good-bye, my precious one”
‘For tears I’ve cried won’t bring you back
Or undo what has been done.
I know that you can’t hear my words
Or listen to my thoughts
But in this way, someday I’ll find
The acceptance I have sought.

I know I’ll never hear you cry
Or wipe away your tears
When you were torn away from me
I realized my worst fears.
My hopes and dreams I had for you
Will never come to be
But I hope in time, with love and faith,
Some peace will come to me.

- by Cold

On My Own

I walked into the darkness willingly
The darkness did not want me
It spat me back out into a world not of my choosing
My future uncertain I reversed course
I hoped to find someone out of my past to help guide me
Each time I was disappointed
Everyone is so wrapped up in their own troubles
Not even a true friend to share with was found
The realization is I am on my own
It is all going to have to be in a New World
There are no known safe harbors ahead
It is all a mystery
And I have to face it on my own
I have to be strong enough
With on one to lean on
I easily admit it is all very very scary to me
I do not even know which direction I should head in
It is all going to be brand new
But the questions remain....
what am I now?
What should I become?
When will I feel safe again?
How long until love can be real?
My door....
The whole world....
One foot in front of the other
The longest journey begins with just one small step
Have I began yet?
Or am I still waiting?

- by Cold

Humanity

Life is like a dirty mirror
Reflecting only passing images of the truth
Truth so twisted with each passing day
We are all already dead
Only no one has told us to lay down and rot
We shuffle through the days
Marked not by how much good has been done
But by all the anger and evil seen in the world around us
The world is dying around us
If you listen you can hear the death throws
One day we will wake up
There will be nothing left to ruin
Then the people will cry out to their gods
"God! Why have you forsaken us"?
When in truth we turned our backs long ago
At one time we held such wonderful promise
We carried such dreams as to make us equal with the gods
But we never cared about the consequences
Or the costs of building such dreams
The day we finally reach the mountain top
We will only have ruin to look back down upon
I do not know if we can be saved
I do not know if we are worth saving
I only hope we leave some living thing to cover our ashes
And leave not a burning lifeless rock as our tombstone.

- by Cold

An open corner

Alone, in a dark quiet room
On a gloomy night, I fill myself with grief
As I think through my painful times
I regret to have thrown chances
And make wrong simple decisions
. . . I grieve, alone, at an open corner.

I scream out a thunder
Crying a storm, as I drown
Restless in the ocean of sorrow
I'm still left unknown
To them of my presence
. . . I weep, alone, at an open corner.

Know not a soul
Of the secrets I'm filled
Neither furthest nor nearest could simply understand
The difference between my needs and desires
They know of only what they see
And care not of what they can't
My unseen feelings are hidden in me
. . . And I hide, alone, at an open corner.

- by Cold